Ever found yourself reminiscing about the "good old days" of dating, only to realize that a decade ago, swiping right was just a weird gesture, not a way to find love? Join me, Cris Stevens Todd, as I take you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey through my dating scene, from the days of MySpace mix-ups to the era of app-induced anxiety. It's a rollercoaster ride of tattoo-related tragedies, stained-glass shower shenanigans, and the profound growth that emerges from the mishaps of young love.
This time on Out Loud, we're peeling back the curtain on the private, peculiar, and sometimes perilous world of modern romance. Sit back and let the stories unfold—from the Melbourne hotel room that became a crucible of heartbreak to the unexpected message that led me to the man I would marry. It's a candid celebration of where we’ve been, the loves we've lost, and the strange, serendipitous experiences that guide us to where we’re meant to be. No guests, just me, my memories, and the myriad of ways love has a habit of surprising us all.
Ever found yourself reminiscing about the "good old days" of dating, only to realize that a decade ago, swiping right was just a weird gesture, not a way to find love? Join me, Cris Stevens Todd, as I take you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey through my dating scene, from the days of MySpace mix-ups to the era of app-induced anxiety. It's a rollercoaster ride of tattoo-related tragedies, stained-glass shower shenanigans, and the profound growth that emerges from the mishaps of young love.
This time on Out Loud, we're peeling back the curtain on the private, peculiar, and sometimes perilous world of modern romance. Sit back and let the stories unfold—from the Melbourne hotel room that became a crucible of heartbreak to the unexpected message that led me to the man I would marry. It's a candid celebration of where we’ve been, the loves we've lost, and the strange, serendipitous experiences that guide us to where we’re meant to be. No guests, just me, my memories, and the myriad of ways love has a habit of surprising us all.
you're listening to and explore your ability in production. I'd like to begin by acknowledging the traditional owners and the custodians of the land on which this podcast is recorded on today the eight clangs of the Yorda Yorda Nation. I also pay my respects to the Elders, past and present. Hi, my name is Chris Stevens Todd, and you're listening to Out Loud exploring LG BTI QA Plus Topics and Stories. On this week's episode, we're going to talk about dating and how the gay community has definitely involved over the years. There's been more acceptance and visibility, which has opened up opportunities to meet people through online platforms and the LG BTI QA Plus events. It's great to see how the community has grown and become more inclusive over the years compared to when I first came out and started dating in around 2007.
Speaker 1:
I was 19 years old and I kind of feel it was a very different world back then. For one, smartphones didn't exist. There was no grinder, no scruff dating apps. I later found out that there was websites called Manhunt and Gator for men, but I didn't know about them until much later on, and even if I did, I wouldn't have been able to access them because I didn't have a computer that I owned myself. I still used my family computer. That was a multi-shared computer that anyone would have known and seen the websites I was visiting.
Speaker 1:
My dating and experiences all happened on chance and meeting people randomly. I kind of don't know now if it's better. You meet someone now and everything's online. You can look up someone's name, if you have it, and whether it's looking at their Instagram or Facebook and scroll through and see what type of things they're into and what they do and the things they post. You can now find out a lot about someone without even needing to really ask them questions Beforehand. You had to ask them questions to get to know someone and learn all them facts because you just didn't see that aspect of their life. And I feel now there's another shift again where people are actually turning their profiles a lot more private. Facebook now has the profile locked and you can't really see anything anymore and a lot more people having their Instagrams turn to a private feed as well, and I kind of feel we're going back to that where people are not allowing people to be able to see their lives as much as what they were probably five years ago.
Speaker 1:
But let's go back to 2007 when I started dating the first guy that I kind of randomly met was in a place that I would never have expected that I would meet anybody, and it was at the Jenaewek on UteMaster. And for those who are not familiar with the Denny UteMaster, it was established in 1999 with a vision to put Dennewekwen on the map, which is a small regional town in New South Wales. Just, I think it's about 40 minutes away from Ashuka and you know, as it says in the name, denny UteMaster, you get in your Ute, you go there for a weekend and it's kind of like a mini festival but for just very I find straight-faced people. There's bull riding, driving competitions, camel rides, bogan bingo. They have the record for most people wearing a bluey singlet in one spot. It's getting bigger and bigger as the years go on and more mainstream artists are performing as part of the lineup there.
Speaker 1:
I went twice in 2006 and 2007. 2007 I met someone and it was just my chance. As you do over the weekend, you get talking to people. I said something around the lines of you know I you know people find out about that who I date, or I kind of did a throwaway comment and he responded with I guess I'll find out then and I was a bit like, oh, what's happening here? Thinking I was a bit confused because they were, I thought, interested in my female friend who I was there with, but turns out they weren't. And from there we stayed in contact and messaged each other on and off over you know the month and we caught up in Balorat where they lived.
Speaker 1:
And then I think I ruined the situation because I went and got a new tattoo that day and they keep up with the boganess of the denny utmusta. I got the Southern Cross in my back. I then went to sleep on their bed and next morning I woke up and I was completely stuck to the sheet, because my tattoo cover is, if you don't like gross things, but my tattoo had oozed overnight as it does. It's a wound. I was literally just stuck and I had to peel myself off his sheets and I left a perfect imprint of the Southern Cross there and if you look at my tattoo now, the middle of the stars are quite faded and that's because that's where my body ripped away from the sheets. So, yeah, that was the end of that. I don't know if that really was it or if it was just, you know, in Ranit's course, but yeah, you know, once again it was a very random encounter that, you know, I just don't think I would come across today.
Speaker 1:
And then the next one was even more random in a chuka at the Shamrock Hotel, out with the boys, and I was out at this point and I don't think I was out out like you know, everyone knew or it was kind of a new thing and you know, having beers and drinks, and I noticed that this person was looking at me and in the courtyard, and then I went inside to get a drink and the next minute I feel you know someone pulling my arm and I turn around and it was this guy and he's like oh, I was going to see if you wanted a drink, and I was kind of surprised with how forward he was and how, you know, I must have given off an aura or something to be with a group of three other guys and Somehow he works out the courage to say he wants to buy me a drink. But I had two drinks in my hand because I was double parked and I was like, oh, next time I said, but you must have come and sit with us because my friends know you've been staring at us for a while now. So he came over and I don't know if my friends quite knew what to do, because this was kind of the first time They'd seen me with another guy in some sort and trying to sort of you know and that small talk as we were doing with everyone, and he was very attractive and I think that's I was quite taken back by that as well. He was in town for a wedding, he was from Geelong. Yeah, once again, it was just a very random encounter.
Speaker 1:
But then, when it came to actually Properly dating, I kind of discovered there was another gay in the village, in those you know, the regional town, and I Was trying to work out how I can ask them out because I thought I'm gonna take a stab at this and I wrote my number on piece of paper and went into the shop and brought something that I didn't need and left it on the counter and Just waited to see if he would text or call. I got nothing and I kind of went. I went back into the shop and I was like, ah, I was in here the other day. I left my number on a piece of paper. I wanted to see if you wanted to go out sometime and unfortunately he had a partner and that was why I didn't hear from him. But eventually that relationship ended and he got back in touch with me. I was like, alright, well, let's go out. I'll, you know, take you out for dinner.
Speaker 1:
And I picked this place called Antonio's in in a chica, which I always thought was this really fancy? And it still is fancy place. I, you know it was a place that you would take someone out on a date and I, once again, you know, I ordered the one thing that I think you probably should never order when you're on a date. I had spaghetti and wearing a nice white shirt and I'm slobbering that everywhere. You know I don't think there's a dignifying way you can eat spaghetti and I don't really remember much else at the date other than I paid for it and I don't think I quite enjoyed it. It was awkward and weird. Just once again, I mean, that's small talk and you know the fact I had spaghetti everywhere.
Speaker 1:
I kind of thought, well, I don't really know any other gays that are in this area and this might be my life and only option. So I stuck it out for a little bit. You know, we kind of caught up and numerous times, but we were never going to work. It was just, you know, a convenience thing, and I think they actually really didn't like them. So eventually there was another situation that I really should have run away from at that moment, and that was when I was at their place and it was a very small unit and we were watching TV and he got a phone call and it was his ex and his ex was coming over to get his stuff because they had not long broken up.
Speaker 1:
At this point I found out I thought there was a little bit more time of a like crossover, but turns out they broke up and he was very quick to message me. So he was like you need to hide. I'm like, well, where the hell am I going to hide? You know, it's like a two bedroom unit and I'm sure this guy's got stuff in every room possible. So I was like in the bedroom, looking, you know, kind of under the bed, kind of under the cupboard.
Speaker 1:
The only option I could sort of see was the bathroom. To paint a picture, the shower was a yellow stained glass like 1960s, 70s, vibe, and I thought I'll go in here, turn the light off and just sit on the shower floor. You know it's really hard to see through them showers. I'm in there and they're complete pitch dark and I think I'm in there for more than half an hour and I can hear them talking and the next minute the bathroom light comes on and he comes into the bathroom and I look up and I'm like please don't have like anything in the shower that you need. And because I thought if he opens the shower door and I'm sitting in it, I don't even know how I'm going to explain what's how I'm doing. You know, sitting in a black out, dark bathroom, in the shower on the floor, and then it just looks really, it just looks bad. And but he didn't and that finished and that really should have been the flag that I was like no, I'm done, I'm out. But unfortunately it wasn't. You know, you're young and you look back at it and you learn from the situation and but then there was another guy who I went out with and he was kind of the first person I feel that kind of you know, I'll use the words break my heart. It was kind of it hit me hard when that didn't work out and once again I met him by chance.
Speaker 1:
I went to Melbourne and caught up with a friend who is the housemate of the friend that I caught up with when I was still straight and we went out to the peel, as I spoke about in episode one. I stayed friends with him and went down again and I think this was like early January, so this was like 2008. So I've been out for like a good year at this point and this guy was there and I thought he was very cute. But there was this girl that he was quite close with and I just thought they were in a relationship and turns out they weren't. And because I asked my friend around about this guy and turns out the guy was asking about me and he wanted to get to know me more. But I went home with someone else that night because I just thought, well, you know, he's he with this girl. There's no use, you know, pursuing that area.
Speaker 1:
So I went home with a guy who I remember had a orange fridge, then working out how the hell do I get back to my friend's place after that? But the orange fridge is the only thing I really remember from from that situation. So I said to my friend all right, we'll give this guy my number and we'll just see what happens. And yeah, he sent me a message and we got talking and texting and we thought we'll work, work a time out, the ketchup in in Bendigo. That was kind of a middle ground for both of us. And you know, we hung out and it was lovely and then we thought, all right, well, what's? You know, I'll come to Melbourne and I'll stay with you and it was Pride March weekend, which I didn't know anything about.
Speaker 1:
Pride March. So it was my first Pride March and it was all fine. You know, we stayed and hang out and but then I think we were meant to catch up and this is probably like three months in at this point and I was meant to stay for like three nights altogether. We were doing two nights at his place and then going to a hotel in Melbourne because, uh, his housemates had something else on and it just wasn't ideal to be there for them dates. I was like, yeah, that's okay, I'll pay for the hotel, it's fine.
Speaker 1:
I kind of felt there was a like a shift in him the second day and it was. I just couldn't really work it out. And we went into the city and we went to Pride March, which was a whole different experience, and you know, having drinks, and he's like, all right, well, you go to the hotel and I'll meet you there. I've just got something to do and I'm waiting for him and waiting for him, and then I get a message to say that he won't be able to make it. Something's come up and he'll catch up with me tomorrow. I was like, okay, so I just stayed the whole time in the hotel room and I didn't know anyone.
Speaker 1:
You know, still quite I would say, naive at that point, young and naive and and just stayed and waited. And the next day he came over and he was very distant, distant again, and then he was like this isn't gonna work out. Um, you know, I just couldn't come to the hotel yesterday because I can't lead you on. Um, I'm still hung up on my ex. I'm like, oh god, okay, um. And I was like devastated. I'm like what am I gonna do in Melbourne by myself for another whole night? And he left and it was kind of like the first time I really felt devastated, like it was probably the first time I'd really been broken up with in a way. You know, after sort of dating for three months and and three months like it's not.
Speaker 1:
When I look back at it now it's not that long of a time period, but I was kind of like in that real young lust, young love, you know. Still I was like a teenager again, you know. I'd sort of just come out and just experiencing life and and I just felt way too hard and um, and that took some time to to get over. Um, and I still know this person to this day and it's it's been nice watching their journey and in mind too, we're both now in um relationships and we both have children and uh, we just weren't meant to be for each other and that, as I watched them, you know it took them, I think, a good while. They went through a lot of, a lot of shitty relationships after that and I just thought, you know what, I'm glad that didn't work out and um, and yeah, and then that was around April.
Speaker 1:
Then, um, when that came about and my space was a thing around then and for people that have never heard of my space, my space was the big thing on the internet before Facebook, and in 2007 my face was starting to fade out and Facebook was taking over and in on my space. You could do a bit of a search and you could put in that you were searching for someone within these areas and people that had gay on their profile. So I did that, you know, for the Chuka, shepard and Bendy Guy area, and just thought let's see what pops up. You know, I thought I kind of need a bit of a rebound and I went through and I'm looking through and I come across this profile and he was very cute. So I messaged him and once again and messaging back and forth, and we worked out.
Speaker 1:
He invited me to come to Shepard and and he was emceeing an event at the National Youth Week and I thought, yeah, that's actually a good event to go to. It's very public. Um, I probably won't get to spend much time with him, but I'll get to see what he's doing and who he is. And he said his friends were going and I could hang with his friends and I was like alright. But then in the lead up to that event he was coming up from work and did a detour and came through Bendy Guy and messaged me. He was like, oh, I'm actually in Bendy Guy, do you want to catch up? And I was like, yeah, sure why not so before our official date that we had planned.
Speaker 1:
And you know, I can still picture him pulling up in my driveway and walking out my driveway and I just think and thought, oh my god, he is so much cuter and better looking than his firespace profile. He's my space profile picture. He had, like this caramel dyed hair at the time and and he was standing out in front of me and he had, you know, brown hair, his natural colour, and tanned skin and just thinking, you know what, normally people don't look better in their photos and they use a good photo, um, but this was kind of the reverse and I was like, you know, nice. So, yeah, so we spent the night and then we still caught up and I went, drove all the way to Shepardon and went to the National Youth Week event. There's, we have a photo, and I still have this photo, um, you know, at the JV Hotel, you know, of the two of us in this booth and it's, you know, looking back at it now, we look so young. He's wearing this white shirt with pink flowers on it, which kind of looks like someone throwing on vodka, raspberry or whatever in different spots. And and, yeah, like it was a very interesting night.
Speaker 1:
There was a drag queen performing who was also trans and they had gone through a Transition where they had breast enhancement surgery and they were dancing and doing one of the performances One of their boobs fell out of the costume and they didn't realize their boob had fallen out of the costume and they were just dancing and moving along and we're all just like, oh my god. And there was a whole bunch of boys that absolutely loved it and and they mean that with that very, very well as the emcee for the event and and but yeah, and then that was the start of a very long Kind of relationship which has now spanned out to be 15 years long and is now my husband. But even that dating process, you know it was all new to me. You know, getting to know him and coming across and going to different events and I remember, you know, being around so many people in once was kind of a very new thing to me. You know, I mean was very much involved in the community. You know there was JV pride Up and running. It was even it was very different to what JV pride is now, is very, you know, catching up in people's homes and doing a lot smaller discrete things because of safety and stuff back then.
Speaker 1:
But I was just thinking I've never been in a room with so many gay people in my life. And then I saw someone who Was like the real-life Jack of Will and Grace and just thinking, oh my god, you know, there's someone here of every kind of tribe within the gay community and it was a lot for me to take in at first. And then I still remember he's I wasn't planning on staying over and he's like I'm gonna stay another way. Why don't I know any stuff that's at my parents place? I mean, oh, I'll drive you there if you want to get it. I drove me a ton go to my parents place and went in. I said, okay, I'm just grabbing some stuff and head now.
Speaker 1:
And I Think my parents knew I was seeing someone at that point and my mom's like, is he in the car, my gear? And she's like go get him out of the car now. I'm like no, it's not coming inside. And I think this is like three months into the relationship and for me I still really wasn't that ready for him to meet my parents. My mom was appalled and she made me go out and get him and I'm like, um, I just remember walking out to the car and coming back in and like you have to come inside. I, my mom, wants to meet you. And went in and introduced Into mom and my stepdad, thinking this is the most embarrassing thing ever and Thinking of the most embarrassing thing ever.
Speaker 1:
We caught up and this is probably within the first week of meeting him, and we went out for lunch. There was this pizza place and they served. You brought the slight pizza by the slices and I thought that would just be like normal pizza slices and I'm like, oh yeah, I'll just get like three slices, but they were like Quarter of a pizza slices and I like, so basically had a full pizza. I had to pretend that I totally ordered this on purpose and that I could fit it all in and eat it and Thinking, oh, my god, he's gonna think I'm such a pig, which I don't think that changed his grandmother in the first year of dating and being together, and pretty sure she told me I ate like a dog. So yeah, I don't think my eating habits had changed much at all, I just got more comfortable as time went on.
Speaker 1:
But yeah, so you met my family and then you know it was that relationship that I kind of did my full coming out. You know I went to it was the year of all my friends turning 21 and I just brought him as my plus one and introduced him to people All my friends 21st as my partner and but then by the end, you know, of all my friends turning 21, like most people in met him Now multiple times. We went to a equal love rally that end up being on the front page of the Sunday age that I mentioned in another episode and that was like my full coming out to most people. So, yeah, this relationship is like wasn't the last time I had to date and, and you know, have friends now who were who a single one you know out of. We're in relationships that are now out of relationships and just watching them navigate the dating scene in the world and you know people on the grinder and it seems really complicated and very confusing and I just do not know if I could ever ever go back into that situation.
Speaker 1:
I think dating was very hard back then, you know, living especially in regional Victoria where you didn't know anyone, but nowadays I think it's even harder because there's so much taken out of that. Get to know you, as I mentioned at the start, and Just that spontaneous, you know, people catch up, they now hook up, and then you get blocked and it's like, oh, I liked you, but okay, and then you move on to the next one and I don't think it's any Easier in the straight community either. You know, for my friends in that area who are trying to date, I think the online apps and the world around that is really Changed how we date and meet people these days. I hope you all have had some cringe, embarrassing dating moments as much as I have, and and. But they're what makes us who we are today and we look back at them experiences and think, you know, I'm glad I had them, because without that I probably wouldn't have learned to stay away from them at flags or that red flag or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1:
So, and there was another situation that I just thought of where I Dated someone who I found out later on that their name was not the name that they told me it was, and They'd not long gone out of jail, which is why they made up a different identity and, yeah, that was a whole fun experience. So I, you know, I feel I've been in every situation possible In that kind of one year that I dated and then I met the one. So I was very, you know, I'm very, very thankful that my husband came along at the right time, because God knows what would have happened, if you know, if that chance, if I hadn't you may stumbled across is my space Profile all them years ago and sent him a message. But I'm a believer, fate works for a reason and everything falls into place. So that's it for this week's episode. Treat into next week of out loud.